I hate scary movies.
I have enough anxiety in my life without the unnecessary trauma of monsters/zombies/ghosts/demons jumping out of nowhere and trying to kill someone.
For that very reason, I also hate Halloween haunted houses. Once, when I was a kid, my friend Dani and I went to a nearby “haunted house” for Halloween. I was terrified, but she wanted to go through it so badly. We were with other friends of hers and I didn’t want to be the only wuss. So, we agreed to walk through it in a “train” formation. I kept my eyes closed the ENTIRE time and sang to myself as I held onto the girl’s shoulders in front of me, as Dani held on to my shoulders from behind.
When the nightmare was finally over, I stepped outside and turned around to celebrate only to find that Dani was nowhere to be found. About three minutes later, she came out of the haunted house and told me that one of the “zombies” had pushed her aside at the very beginning and was holding onto me the entire time. “His hands were all over you!” she cried.
I’m gong to assume that the zombie was not, in fact, molesting me – but more so waiting for me to turn around, thinking I would see my friend – and completely freak out when I saw him there in his (fake) bloody glory.
I think it is safe to say that it was best – for both of us – that I never noticed the zombie.
The moral of the story: I hate being scared.
Not in the “Oh, haha… don’t scary me… haha… I’ll hate you forever!” kind of I don’t like being scared. More like the, “I swear to God if you effin’ scare me, I will rip your eyeballs out, call 911 and then punch your shins for 20 minutes until the police arrive” kind of I don’t like being scared.
Do not, under any circumstances, scare me.
Are we clear?
So, the other night, I couldn’t sleep and Brian had just come up from downstairs and I suggested we watch The Visit, a “haunting story about a brother and sister discovering something deeply disturbing during a visit to their grandparent’s”, by M. Night Shyamalan.
Don’t ask me where this brilliant idea came from. I haven’t had carbs in four days, so I’m blaming that.
We watched the movie and, afterwards, I was obviously more awake than before – and completely terrified. I had to go the bathroom and I made Brian go in before me and turn the light on – as well as check for any stray Nanas or PopPops hanging around. (I actually first begged him to stay in there with me while I peed. Hey, I promised to turn the fan and sink on to mask the noise… I’m not a total monster! He politely declined.)
Before he did leave the bathroom, I looked at him with the seriousness I usually reserve for Scientology documentaries (have you seen the Leah Remini series, by the way? So good!) and said, “Brian. BRIAN. Look at me. I swear to God with every ounce of my being, if you-“ I was cut off by his sudden burst of laughter.
“I won’t, I promise! I won’t scare you.”
“No, look at me, Brian. LOOK. AT. ME. If you choose to scare me when I come out of this bathroom, you will be single again. Do you understand me?”
And then I said something that I never, ever say – not even in joking.
I threatened him with the D word: divorce.
(I told you, I f*#@ing hate being scared!)
It didn’t even matter that I said divorce, because he was laughing so hard that he was bent over, struggling to breathe. It is super, super difficult to get my husband to laugh that hard (I try… a lot), so I was both endeared and also ready to kick his shins and make the 911 call.
But, he adhered. Either because he didn’t want to be single again – or because he was still laughing uncontrollably when I came out of the bathroom.
I spent the next thirty minutes telling him how terrified I was as he laughed his head off while trying to comfort me.
Let me just say that comforting while cackling is not effective.
…it felt so good to have those (hysterical) moments with my husband. As silly as that sounds, life has been getting busy. The girls both have activities. There is lots of running around and, during the week especially, it feels like we get fewer and fewer moments all together – or alone with each other. On top of this, he is traveling more and more for work – and though I don’t mind it, I miss him.
Like, a lot.
I’ve said a thousand times before that I hit the jackpot when I met my husband. He’s funny, hilarious, kind… and hot, to boot! There are more days than not that I know I don’t deserve him. He knows every dirty little secret about me – and he loves me anyway.
I recently told my sister, “I can be a bit much. I know this about myself.” Hey, self awareness is a good thing, right? But I can. I can be a bit much. And I’m always going to be a bit too much of something to somebody, as the saying goes.
I am much too messy.
I am much too loud.
I am too much too irritable.
I am too much too stubborn.
Yet, with me being a bit too much of… a lot, my husband lets me be all of it. With no judging.
Ok, that’s a lie – he’s totally judging the mounds of my clothing sprawled across our bedroom floor right now.
But other than that [slight] judgement, he has never tried to change me. He’s never asked me to… not be so much.
Yep, I landed a good one. And I don’t take the moments with him for granted.
He’s my very own Jake Ryan.
And he didn’t scare me when I came out of the bathroom. So, there’s that.
Ok. Enough mush.
I’ve got a giveaway!
I just told you about what a saint my husband is. I also need to tell you that Valentine’s and his birthday are coming up this month and though he is a martyr for putting up with me, he is also the worst person to shop for.
This man is picky.
However, I think I finally found him a gift he loves. And it’s a win not only for him, but also for you!
Alright, so here’s the deal. I have made it a personal rule to never collaborate or promote anything on this blog or any social media that I don’t actually love. I have turned down a few things in particular recently because they were not something I would genuinely use, wear or have Ivy wear. SO… I was actually really excited when JORD Wood Watches contacted me to team up with them on a sweepstakes!
I love these watches. I keep seeing them online and in social media and I’m obsessed with how they look. They are unique and chic and incredibly well made. When I sent Brian a photo of one and told him about JORD contacting me, his immediate response was, “I’ve been seeing those and they are awesome!” Since my husband is super, super picky when it comes to all things in his wardrobe – I knew this would be the perfect gift for him.
Buying something for Brian is hard. I am not exaggerating. He’s not a big “gift” person to start with – but he’s also super picky. (I’m sorry, did I say that already?) We made a rule a long time ago to never buy each other clothing (we’re both super picky on that front) – and I’m clueless when it comes to buying him the right photography equipment, etc. And let’s be honest, sometimes the ol’ Amazon wish list starts to feel a little unoriginal and ridiculous.
Brian has honestly been looking at watches for a long time, but he hasn’t been able to find anything that really felt like him. This watch is undoubtedly him. And the bonus? JORD offers sizing and engraving. The engraving, in particular is awesome. They offer block or script or even your own handwriting. Come on! That’s pretty fantastic.
Here’s the thing: I really love this watch. I wouldn’t have teamed with JORD if I didn’t. And I’m super excited that they are letting me do a giveaway and share the love!
One of my readers will win a $100 gift code to use on the JORD website! EVERYONE who enters will get a $25 gift code to use on the JORD website after the contest. So, you win no matter what!
Click HERE to enter to win!
Listen, I’m not that cool. Your odds of winning the $100 toward one of these watches are pretty good, so go enter.*
These watches are a chic, unique and modern way to up your wardrobe and they aren’t just limited to men. Check out all of the women’s watches on the JORD site as well. Also, no one said you can’t use that gift code on yourself! (Do you think I could enter my own giveaway? Would that be wrong?)
Brian is loving his watch and I’m getting extra love for this perfect gift. One might say he’s more affectionate than a rogue haunted house zombie circa 1987.