Let’s talk truth in motherhood, shall we?
As I sat drinking my coffee this morning and scrolled through the feed of pages I follow on Facebook, I noticed a theme. Endless pieces posted by “mom portals” with titles like Why I Will Never *blank* Again or Yes, I Resent My Husband For *blank*. And after reading each title, I would skim the comments and read the (inevitable) criticism of the writer’s point of view, etc.
Like, people are effing mean.
But that’s what happens when you read the comments section of anything really, right? Vultures hovering to point out why your opinion/suggestion/way is wrong/damaging/idiotic. I don’t usually like to breathe life into coined terms like Mommy Wars, but let’s face it: they exist. And, apparently, the causes of war are endless.
If you write about feeding your child with a Little Mermaid spoon, someone will comment that Ariel is an anti-feminist child bride and terrible example for your daughter.
If you write about feeding your child homemade yogurt, someone will leave a snarky comment about proudly dumping a Lunch-ables on their kid’s lap as he zombie-stared into his iPad.
If you write about breast-feeding, someone will comment with 50 defensive reasons why they didn’t breast-feed.
If you write about not breast-feeding, someone will comment with 5,000 reasons why you should have.
How about rather than get involved in a heated conversation about heated baby wipes (pun intended), we all be a bit more “Meh. Live and let live.”
(*That is, unless another parent’s choice actually poses outright danger to their child or yours.)
I’m not saying ‘don’t have an opinion.’ I’m all for healthy debate. But does that even exist online anymore? In all things lately, it seems, it’s either us vs. them. There is no middle ground – no in between. Not with politics and definitely not with parenting.
And in the (mom) blogging world, in particular, there appears to be two themes:
1/ Cinderella-mom. Cinderella-mom lives in a mommy-world full of birds singing and perfectly dressed children and magical moments documented on social media. Cinderella-mom sings to you about the joys of cleaning and cooking and child-rearing, and she never ever discusses being tired or run-down or run over. Cinderella-mom and her little mice crochet blankets from leftover love and she makes organic moisturizer out of her (publicly unseen) tears. Cinderella-mom is happy, dammit. She is so… damn… happy. And she wants you to know it. You will know it, do you understand?!
And then there is…
2/ Daria-mom. Daria-mom is sarcastic and snarky and likes to tell you how bad of a mom she is. Over and over. She makes fun of Cinderella-moms while throwing Cheetos at her kids for breakfast and then blogs about what a bad/badass mom she is for doing it. Daria-mom rolls her eyes at anything positive parent-related and physically gags when hearing the word “magical.” Daria-mom loves her kids – when they are sleeping. Daria-mom laughs and points at anything handmade or homemade and loves to write about how anti-mom blog she is, and then posts all about it on her blog… about mom-ing.
What if I were to tell you that both of these moms…
…are equally f*cking annoying?
Why does it have to be one way or the other? Why is everything sooooo one way or the other lately?
*cough* politics *cough*
Listen, I get it. When writing, there’s a shtick… And I’m seeing more and more that the shtick is to either display perfection or anti-perfection. You can’t be both. Some moms want to be inspired. Some moms want to feel less alone. I get that. But why are we stabbing at each other in the process?
Here is what I’ve learned through writing. Y’all aren’t one-dimensional. And you definitely appreciate honesty.
For as much good feedback I get on decor ideas for a playroom:
I get just as many (if not more) comments and kudos for the reality of what this playroom looks like on any given day (that a camera or guests aren’t present):
(I mean, you guys really liked the above photo…)
What this tells me is that all kinds of moms who put themselves out there are useful and have merit. So I wish we’d all take a breath and stop dismissing one way in order to promote another. In fact, how about we stop doing that in life altogether?!
Puppies are cuddly and soft and fluffy and full of love. They also piss all over the place and sometimes eat their own poop.
There is no one way to be… except yourself – all of yourself . So, definitely don’t put yourself in a corner, baby.
(Also, don’t eat your own poop. That was just a metaphor.)
Ok, now I’m gagging.
And it’s not over the word “magical.”
For the record, Cinderella has always been my favorite princess and Daria is my favorite animated series.
Sweet and sarcastic.
You don’t have to choose, or be, just one.